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sweetestdownfall-:

Don’t ask yourself what you did wrong or how you could have done it differently. Don’t waste your valuable heart and mind trying to figure out why he did what he did, or thinking back on all the things he said, and wondering what was the truth and what was the lie. The only thing you need to know is that it’s really good news: he’s gone.

You may feel like you’re over them, but as much as you try, that person will always be there. They will always find a way to come back to your mind. You may think your feelings for them went away, when honestly, they never left. They never left your mind, they never left your heart. There’s just always been something about them that made you fall for them in the first place. Even up until now.

Dear God,

I want to take a moment to thank you for everything that is given to me or has been given to me. The good and the bad moments, all of them. Without them, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I know that right now, I’m not the happiest I can be and I’m going through a rough time, but it’s okay. 
I know I haven’t been a great person, and I never had faith in you. To be honest, I went full atheist once, I hope you forgive me for it. 

I know I don’t pray to you as often as I should, and I know I shouldn’t let life get in the way of it, and I apologize, once again. 

But I do want to thank you, for the life I live. I appreciate the fact that I have a life, that I have a family, that I have a home, and that I have all of my body parts, vision, voice, and the ability to move and hear. 

I love you God, thank you for everything <3

For as long as I can remember, my birthday has never been a happy celebration for me. I can’t think of one year where I’ve never cried on my birthday and feel like shit. I go through the whole day and play it off as one of the happiest day of my life. I stopped throwing birthday parties and everyone threw me one last year, but even when I got home that night I was in tears. 

It really sucks that the way I feel has become accustomed to my birthday. Within a week before my birthday I start feeling like this. In two days I’ll be turning sixteen, but that number is a reminder of how much I’ve grown and how little I accomplished.
Where the fuck is my “happy” in “Happy Birthday”?
Why can’t I ever be happy on the day I was born? 

I remember when crying was a rare thing. When I would cry and then think back to the time I ever felt so bad that I needed to cry, but ended up not remembering the last time or the reason why I cried. Sometimes I would remember, but it would be many months ago. Sometimes, I wished I cried more often because it felt like I was living a boring life that I couldn’t cry as much as the girls I see in mangas, movies, or t.v shows. Sometimes, I would even make myself cry and pretend like I was crying for a reason & that I had a dramatic, interesting life. I was such a loser back then, I swear. But now I wish it would stop since the spaces in between each tear is thinning. I know why I cry, I don’t cry hard, but I still cry. I can’t go a week without my eyes watering, and I can’t be happy for more than a day. It all used to be so easy to be happy & annoying, but I can’t seem to get to that.

The littlest things lead to big, unpleasant thoughts that I can’t turn off. The voices become louder and more hurtful, more negative and just pile up over the last comments.

It’s like I’m dying each time because my life flashes before my eyes, reviewing all the painful moments I’ve had. Sometimes, I cry without feelings. Usually you feel so empty and hallow, but I don’t feel that way. It’s like I’ve been trained so now I am desensitized to the pain I once felt because it’s no longer foreign

Whether he is real or not, I feel that believing in him gives up this sense of knowing everything is going to be alright. That we think twice about our actions because we think of God and his commandments. Whether he is real or a sense of belief/imagination, I think believing in him makes us better people with great hearts.

I don’t even know why I’m bawling.

tiffaniq:

You only talk to me when you need something from me. I only pop into your mind when you want someone to talk to, bored, or you want a certain thing from me. I am sick of it. I am not your personal servant.